Some freak is eating my neighbor's cactus!

Some insensitive and apparently dehydrated person is stealing and possibly devouring my neighbor's outdoor cactus dispay, chunk by chunk, bit by bit, piece by piece. It is painful to watch. Every day, on my way up to my apartment, I examine the cactus, only to find that another hunk of it has been removed. To stop the cactus slaughter, my neighbor has put up a sign telling the thief to stop because he is trying to propogate his own cactus garden right here in San Francisco. Wait until you see the shocking photographs that I will soon upload on this blog. You can see the missing chunks of cactus -- and if you look carefully, you might even be able to see the teeth marks on it. I hope the cactus thief realizes that you can't get a whole lot of water out of a cactus. (Kit Carson figured out how to do it, but he was a skilled survivalist). As I once discovered, you would need to eat an entire acre of these things just to get one quart of water. Also, biting a cactus can be very bad for your health. In fact, one of the people at my most recent reading told me that practical joke product manufacturers make itching powder out of cactus spines. Who knew?