Back from the desert

Last week, we drove a Dodge Avenger through the California outback, with Gram Parsons and Midnight Oil blasting in the CD player. We saw our first condor, black and white, with board-straight wings. He floated above the red steps leading down from the High Peaks Trail through the Pinnacles. Out in the Mojave, I set up a tent near a Joshua tree, stopped a giant raven from tearing up the campsite of three So.Cal. frat boys, (by the time I arrived on the scene, the creature had eaten some of their tortillas) and climbed Ryan Mountain at the hottest time of day. In camp, three teenage partiers climbed a 50-foot boulder. They stood at the edge of the drop, twirling glow sticks, staring at their hands and jabbering until four in the morning. My vacation wasn't exactly perfect. One night in a high country camp, a semi-deranged caretaker stole my utensils, water and sleepwear. Still, it was a good time. I'll be back there soon.

Dates for "Cactus'' readings so far (updated)

Several friends, writing colleagues and family members asked for this, so here it is, and I'll keep adding updates when I get them. If you happen to live in any of these places (or are just passing through when I'm in town), stop by and say hello. As the dates get a little closer, I will fill in the addresses.

June 4, Bellingham, WA., Village Books, Wednesday
7 p.m.

June 5, Seattle, WA at Seattle Public Library (in conjunction with Secret Garden Book Store) 630 p.m.

June 6, Portland, Barnes and Noble, 7 p.m. …

June 19 -- Capitola Book Cafe, Capitola, California, 730 p.m.

June 29, American Library Association conference, Anaheim, 1:30 p.m.-3:30 p.m, location to be announced. I will take part in a panel called "First Author, First Book,'' with Kaya McLaren (Church of the Dog, Penguin), Scott Douglas (Quiet, Please, Perseus Books), Mark Sarvas (Harry, Revised, Bloomsbury USA), and Anya Ulinich (Petropolis, Penguin). Visit http://www.ala.org/ala/eventsandconferencesb/annual/2008a/home.cfm for more information.

"No Country'' nightmares

I finally got around to seeing "No Country ...'' at the Red Vic the other day -- and
I must say, I regret it. Now I'm having nightmares that the helmet-headed mumbly guy is out to get me. On the good side, I like the theater. They serve you popcorn in wooden bowls, they have padded benches instead of seats, and before the main attraction, they run a short film showing a rude Red Vic patron kicking over his soft drink and making a mess -- only to be grabbed, and, presumably, eaten alive, by a green-skinned monster that lives beneath the seats of the movie theater.

Book signings/readings in June

I'm scheduled to speak throughout the Pacific Northwest in June, with several appearances in the Bay Area and Central Coast. I'll post the schedule up here when I've firmed everything up. By the way, thanks to everyone who showed up to the Steinbeck Fellows reading the other day. I will post again in a couple of weeks. (I'm in a work-induced blog hibernation, with galleys and student papers...)

Banana slugs, bongo players, fat-tire unicyclists and sex in the woods

It's hard to believe that the Forest of Nisene Marks was once a sad stumpy wasteland, with loggers doing their darnedest to hack down every redwood they could find. In the turn of the century, this place was a disaster. Now, the forest offers some of the best hiking you can find anywhere on the Central Coast. You can hike all day on the edge of steep ravines, splash through streams and ogle banana slugs, which look like slices of overripe mango. Second-growth redwoods grow so tall, you can barely see the tops without straining your neck and back (like I did.) It's easy to forget the place's unfortunate history until you stumble across a fat stump with ferns and moss growing out of it, the broken-down remains of a cabin, or a set of railroad ties fading into the woods. Sometimes you forget you're near Santa Cruz --- until you see the signs of wacky behavior: fat-tire unicyclists out on an illegal trail ride deep in the park's interior, someone lost in the sounds of his own bongos, a crazy guy blatting out a song on the digeridu while sitting cross-legged on a folding chair, and a couple having loud, exhibitionist sex in a Range Rover with the windows down on the fire road, paying zero attention to the small army of moms pushing babystrollers right past them. There are few people out here, even on a nice day. Get here early in the morning and watch the steam rising off the redwoods.

Gary Gygax, Dungeons & Dragons co-creator, dies at 69

I was sad to hear about this. D and D helped me survive middle school -- even though my brother was much, much better at it than I was, and my hapless, wimpy dwarves and henchmen always ended up broke, defenseless and slaughtered early on in the game. This might sound like a stretch, but I would even argue that there are certain connections between D and D and long-distance backpacking culture. The trail can turn into a role playing game. You can lose your identity and get a 'trail name.'' Sometimes, a backpacker will identify so strongly with his/her trail name that the name becomes a kind of character. Out on the trail, you find yourself in the middle of a quest narrative that goes on for thousands of miles. And, if that's not enough, there is a slightly geeky aspect to certain long-distance walkers--- and I'm not exempting myself from this admittedly broad characterization.

The opposite of road rage

The other day, I was driving through SF's Inner Sunset neighborhood, in a hurry, on the way to the Yum Yum. A car full of very young people cut me off at that tricky four-way intersection (Irving and 9th.) I honked my horn. Down came their driver's side window. I braced myself for the nasty threats, the fists, the finger. But no. Instead, a bearded, frizzy-haired guy leaned out the window, made a "calm down, take it down a notch'' gesture to me with his right hand, and calmly mouthed out the following words:

"It's ... going .. to ... be .. OK.''

This is the first time that I've ever gotten into a road rage situation with a crisis intervention counselor. Needless to say, the encounter left no negative residue at all. I wish this kind of thing would happen more often. If this were NYC, all my teeth, at this point, would be missing.

Capitola Book Cafe

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone at my (former) home town on June 19th, when I'm scheduled to speak at the Capitola Book Cafe. I hope to see you all then.

Dennis De Young Museum

I had a great time at the Dennis De Young Museum in Golden Gate Park. What a great place. I hate the provisional-looking exterior but the content of the museum is top-notch. I was skeptical at first --- a whole museum, dedicated to the former lead singer of Styx? Fortunately the collection is more than just classic rock memorabilia. There is an excellent installation by Kiki Smith, showing the figures of two children riding a box kite into a 'storm' of hanging raindrops, each one made of handblown glass. They've got a really good Andy Goldsworthy installation, and the traditional art from New Guinea is the best display of its kind I've ever seen. They also have a journal on display with the original handwritten lyrics to "Mr. Roboto,'' which was also cool to see. All in all it was a very good experience (and not too expensive.)

Morbidly obese and lazy hawk in Golden Gate Park

I am growing concerned about the morbidly obese and lazy hawk in Golden Gate Park (in a field beneath a copse of trees, not far from the De Young Museum.) It is so waddlesome and lazy that it can barely fly anymore. It looks like a basketball with wings. I guess the food supply (pigeons, rats, gophers, more rats) must be very plentiful this year. Or maybe all that second-hand pot smoke is drifting up into the trees, sending his appetite out of whack.

On the road

Look for me out on the road starting in June. I am taking "Cactus Eaters'' to various cities and towns. This will probably include some sort of slide show/ power-point presentation featuring emigrants, mountains, flora, fauna, pioneer cannibals, trail logistics, little-known factoids, etc. Details to follow.

More information about getting drunk in the woods

Some of you have asked me to provide some more specifics about the phenomenal "Beer Woods'' hike in Muir Woods. (That's the one where you embark on a four-mile loop with a working beer bar right in the middle of the redwood forest.) Here goes. The pub is actually a faux Swiss chalet with stunning views of redwoods and Mount Tam. It's called the Tourist Club, and it's managed by a 600,000-member group called Naturfreunde, with headquarters in Austria (so they know from beer.) The club's address is 30 Ridge Ave., Mill Valley. Call in advance (415 388 9987) to make sure they are open. Also, bring a lot of food before you go there. It's hard to hike back out of the forest, over steep and sometimes slippery terrain, while shnackered.

Montara Mountain

For those of you who are out here in SF, and are looking for a quick escape, and are sick of the crowds in Muir Woods, try this hike. It's just off Highway One beyond the Devil's Slide (near Montara.) It's eight miles round trip -- and the first four miles are straight uphill--- but the views of the East Bay and San Francisco are tremendous. Warning: clear your schedule after you do this. I couldn't walk for a couple of days afterwards.

Allegedly phallic tree revisited

I have been trying, in recent weeks, to make my Cactuseaters blog more focused on the environment, backpacking, trees and "green'' issues. With this in mind, I've decided to republish a story I wrote some years back for the Santa Cruz Sentinel about an "allegedly phallic tree.'' For some reason, this story resulted in a small avalanche of strange attention; I went on various Howard Stern-style radio programs to talk about this particular shrubbery.

Fact or fallacy: Sexy tree too much for some Westside neighbors
DAN WHITE
Sentinel staff writer
May 8, 2002

A Westside resident called the cops Monday to report an allegedly phallic tree.

Officers responded to the Liberty Street home but found no wrongdoing. They said the 20-footer — actually an evergreen hedge of the Luma genus — is protected by its owner’s right to artistic freedom.

"We contacted the city attorney," said Sgt. Brad Goodwin. "It could be interpreted anywhere from being free speech to being artistic. It’s really nothing we have control over."

All trees can be seen as "phallic," but some would argue this eugenia is especially so. Viewed from the front, the hedge looks to have testicles, or perhaps bosoms.

Eugenia is a common plant noted for white flowers and edible fruits, according to the Sunset Western Garden Book. Sunset says the plant "performs best" in well-drained soil.

The owner of the tree, Gillian Greensite, said she found it peculiar the plant has been there at least 15 years and suddenly someone is mad about it. She said no one has complained to her about the plant.

Greensite, director of UC Santa Cruz’s rape prevention and counseling program, also questioned what the offended neighbor was really seeing in this tree.

"If they want to see phallic, they see phallic, I guess. I see trees," said Greensite, an outspoken advocate of tree preservation in the city.

She added the eugenia was "not trimmed for any particular purpose."

The complaining neighbor could not be reached for comment Tuesday....

Amy Sedaris at the Herbst Theater

I thought she did an incredible job. They set it up to look like a sit-down interview with Daniel Handler but it was pure, polished improv comedy, right from the start. She would take some ridiculous, offhand comment from the audience (including an astoundingly tasteless remark about Ms. Sedaris's dead mother in a sexually compromising position), pretend to ignore it, and then refer back to it mercilessly throughout the evening. Comedy is very hard -- it's easy to get up there and look like a shnook --- but she seemed fearless. She sparred a bit with Mr. Handler -- just enough to make you wonder if it was all part of the act or not. I also picked up on a lot of housekeeping tips (how to put google eyes on peanuts, for example.) There were many other weird twists to the evening -- such as Andrew Sean Greer playing the role of a slavish butler, setting down a martini for Amy Sedaris. Someone in the audience asked her about appearing with Martha Stewart, and what it was like to work with her. Sedaris replied that "he'' was very nice

This just in: a date for the upcoming reading

Please come to the next Steinbeck Fellows reading at 7:30 on March 6 (a Thursday) at the main library at SJSU. Peter Malae and Lysley Tenorio will read from their recent fiction (and I will have a short nonfiction piece.)

Just say no to marathon training while stoned

I know that they are just being friendly. But I'm starting to wonder why so many people are offering me "fat nuggs'' while I am wearing workout clothes and doing my long marathon training runs through Golden Gate Park. It seems counterintuitive.

I just drank a $20,000 cup of coffee (!)

I'm sure you've all read about the new Blue Bottle Cafe, which opened recently in the Mint Plaza. This city is full of places where coffee drinkers go to absurd new extremes to get that perfect cup --- and the Blue Bottle outdoes them all. You've got to see this to believe it. The place is clean and airy, with a staff that is in constant motion, stirring the silt out of the New Orleans-style iced coffee with chicory, monitoring the movements of the $20,000 Lucky Cremas Bonmac 105 siphon bar and tasting the product constantly, sipping the brew from tiny little cups. I ordered up a $12 pot, brewed in a glass globe. Quite frankly, this brew was a little bit above my head; it was delicious but I couldn't quite figure out what was so wonderful about it. However, it packed an insane caffeine kick that lingered for about 12 hours. Check it out, but get there early; it was hard to find a table.

Wild Sky Wilderness update, plus upcoming reading ...

I'm keeping a close watch on this one: Washington State preservationists are asking Congress to set aside 106,000 acres of forest, in the heart of Skykomish Valley, as wilderness. The land sounds incredible: old-growth forests, scenic crags and wild rivers, not to mention habitat for bald eagles, wolverines, owls and mountain goats. The proposal has cleared the U.S. Senate. Let's see what happens with this one. If it becomes a reality, I'm loading up my pack and heading out there as soon as the snows clear up. In other news, the Steinbeck Fellows will be reading in March in San Jose. Don't miss it. Peter Malae and Lysley Tenorio will present some of their latest works. Refreshments will be served. (and I almost forgot to mention that I'll be reading, too.)

The Pacific Crest National Scenic Trail turns 40!!!

This year is the 40th anniversary of the Pacific Crest National Scenic Trail. (see footnote.) I'm hoping that lots of people will take leaves of absences and sabbaticals to through-hike this 2,650-mile trail. I might seem like an unlikely advocate for this path, considering that I had a rather extreme experience (running out of water dozens of times, getting lost constantly, getting giardia, etc.) However, many things have changed since I hiked it. For one thing, trail angels are leaving more water caches in the drier sections of the hike. The telecommunications boom is another factor. When I hiked the trail, cell phones were rare, unreliable and clunky. These days, people are blogging right from the trail(!), carrying GPS and maintaining at least some contact with the outside world. Finally, there are so many online resources and publications for people interested in lightpacking and orienteering. I'm hoping to hear from some people who are contemplating a PCT journey this year. Also -- thanks to the many people -- including former classmates -- who showed up to my "postcard signing.'' I appreciate your support!!!!

(footnote: purists will note that the trail has existed in various incarnations for much, much longer than 40 years; however, the PCT was designated a 'national scenic trail' in 1968.)