Monday, December 03, 2012

Some idiot just tried to mug me in the middle of an organic health food store!


Alternate title: "Some idiot just tried to mug me at the Food Bin"

You won't believe this. On Sunday at 1:30 p.m, I was set upon by a loud, anti-Semitic, near-toothless mugger, right in the middle of a health food store. To be precise, he tried to mug me in front of the shriveled apricots.

That afternoon, I stopped by the Food Bin & Herb Room (you know this place? In Santa Cruz, California? It's this endearing if dark and dingy little throwback of an organic food store with "like, dude'' cashiers and interesting produce. ) I stopped there to get some dehydrated plums. They have really good ones there, for some reason, and just as I was loading up my little plastic bag, I saw this guy behind me with only four teeth, in the lower part of his jaw. He was probably in his early 50s with a smeary coat and a black beard.

"This is when you give me some money for a few of these goodies, brother," he told me.

 That got my hackles up right there. When a stranger in Santa Cruz calls you 'brother,' nothing good will ever come of it.

When I just kept on shopping and ignoring him, he grabbed me by my shirt, gave me a little shove, and he said, "You're not understanding me, brother. This is NOT a yes or no question."

When I brushed his hands off, and got in his face, and told him, "you're getting no money off me, brother," he called me a word that you generally do not want to call any Jewish person (I just so happen to be Jewish) if you want to leave a health food store with your four teeth in their rightful places. I explained to him that this was a highly offensive term and that he would now have to leave. Although he took several giant steps toward the door, he stopped in front of the bulk food aisle, at which point he indignantly told me I couldn't kick him out "because I used to work here."

Anyways the management finally, sort of, came to my assistance and told him he should leave and he finally did, so the whole thing came to a nice, non-violent conclusion.

I'm proud to say he didn't succeed in mugging me, and I'm glad I told him off. So it all ended well. Still, I'm buying my prunes from Staff of Life or New Leaf Community Market next time. Security  there  is generally good, and you don't have to worry about people shaking you down for lunch money in front of the kale display.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

That sounds like a scary situation.

cactuseaters said...

Sorry Anonymous if you are the Anonymous who posted before. I accidentally deleted your comment and my response! No, it wasn't really that scary. I'm glad I told him off.

Anonymous said...

A scary story - yet it made me giggle! Love the art work.

cactuseaters said...

Thanks for reading. People need to step off when I'm buying my prunes.

Unknown said...

I LOVE the drawing! And I love that you were buying bulk prunes. I get my prunes at Trader Joe's. It never occurred to me that buying prunes could be so dangerous.

cactuseaters said...

In that case you should be more careful!! Prunes are considered an "attractive nuisance" in this town. For some reason, bins full of dried fruit with laxative properties just bring out the worst in people.

catklein said...

This rad drawing and alternate title make it. I am sorry this happened, but it made for a gnar blog post.

cactuseaters said...

Yes, I can appreciate that. Bad for life, good for story. In other words, there would be no blogs without stupid muggers.

Anonymous said...

That store is mighty dark, come to think of it

cactuseaters said...

True. Wish I could download them from iPrunes.

Peggy Townsend said...

How was a guy with four teeth gonna eat dried fruit anyway?

cactuseaters said...

An excellent question. And here is another one: why didn't he just grab the prunes from the bin himself and make a run for it? Why does everybody have to do things the hard way?

Anonymous said...

Although he wanted just the money probably

cactuseaters said...

Yes, that occurred to me. I think the "goodies'' was just the theme of the attempted mugging. Really he just wanted all my money and he was going to run out of the store. It would make no sense at all to mug someone in the store and then casually stop by the cash register and ring up your merchandise. That would be really brazen even if you used to work at the same store.